Today is the first day in a while that I've felt peaceful.
During the end of November I went through some horrible things at work and ended up in tears and bruised (emotionally), and I quit my job. I have never in my entire life quit anything. I've taken breaks, I've taken deep breaths, but I have never quit. And I did it. I quit.
It was a horrible situation, one where I was getting yelled at for things I either didn't do or had no control over. My self-esteem and myself took a beating, and in the end I turned into this small version of myself. I didn't like what I looked like in the mirror, I didn't like what my brain was doing, and I felt impossibly incompetent and like a big fat failure. I mean, I had basically quit the only job that we had had.
I felt like a loser.
But yesterday I went on a job interview, and my credentials were lauded. The woman interviewing me even said someone drooled over them. And then the interview, which started out as a favour for a friend of mine, turned into my interview. At the end, she was giving me a tour and giving me information, and making plans to check my references.
In the end, I was back. I was competent. I was successful. I was a candidate. I was incredible.
And I realized that I had survived my month of depression, my month of not sleeping, my month of popping Tylenol everyday. And that I was worthy of a new job, worthy of being told that I was smart and savvy and brilliant.
I made it through the worst job of my life...and came out on the other side with a job offer and the promise of follow-up from another job.
That is what I'm taking into the next month, and the month after. Because I am worth more than every awful thing that that old place said. I am worth every moment of praise. Because I know I worked my butt off for 5 years in university and 10 years in total if you count the fact that I had no life in high school save studying and working and volunteering.
So now, I'm going to enjoy some nice relaxing time. Take some breathing space. And drink a cup of yummy, warm tea.
And bask in the glory of my comeback, which I feel is around the corner and much more sure than Britney's, I'm sorry to say.
Maybe I should call her and tell her that she can do it. She can make it. I wonder if anyone has said that to her yet. I wonder...