Some days I think about the compromises I made that got me to where I am and who I am today.

I'm not talking huge, life-altering compromises, but small, significant ones that looking back now I wonder - if I didn't make those, where would I be? Who would I be?

Where would I be if I didn't have to compromise a chance to live abroad simply because my sisters wouldn't also be given such an opportunity?

Where would I be if I wasn't busy compromising my pay cheque to keep my family afloat and I could have picked any school in the world instead of the school in my backyard?

Who would I be if I didn't compromise my deepest passions in order to be the perfect daughter?

What would my life look like if I didn't compromise risk and adventure for stability and a family?

I don't regret the choices I made (or in some cases that were made for me) - how can I without regretting every moment I get to spend with my husband and daughter, both of whom are my entire world?

But some days, the compromises are felt more than others...and the questions swirl...and all of the moments where a choice was given and decided become too hard to bear...

And I think - what Julia would I be if it weren't for all of the compromises I've had to make?


Full disclosure

I have built this space for me online - a place where I can come and share my thoughts about any old thing that I experience or that pops into my head (scary, I know). I haven't told many people about this space because it is freeing to release what's inside of you to the unknown world. It's nice having a space for just me.

But then I told my husband about it. And although I held my breath until he read my posts, he didn't get mad for the way that I represented him here and we're still happily married.

Today, I told one of my sisters about my blog. Her response: "I don't know my sisters at all!"

Of course, this comes on the heels of discovering the Youtube channel my other sister currently posts videos to, some of which are full of anger towards the current status of things in our family.

After her initial shock, she perused some posts and decided it wasn't so bad after all.

I hope. She could have been lying...

Anyway, what's done is done. She knows now. Which means, probably, that more people will know in short order.

My little alone space going to get a bit more crowded. And that's okay with me, I think (ignore my hyperventilating...I'm sure it's completely normal and that it will pass).

So, to those who are joining my not-so-regular blog, welcome! Make yourself at home, help yourself to whatever you find here, and please, please don't hate me too much.