I am now the mother of three babies - two here on earth (one upstairs asking to come down right this second) and one in heaven...or eternity...or the realms...just not here.

It breaks my heart that that is the case. It hurts more than I could ever imagine, but there it is.

I wanted some record of it, of that baby being, even though it was only 11 weeks of being pregnant that that baby was around.

Charlie Scott Marie Mills was 'born' (or declared no longer alive) on May 7, 2012. On November 26, 2012 we were supposed to be getting close to meeting them.

Forever, we will love them. Him. Her. Them.

And one day, I might not cry or have to take deep breaths when someone says, I'm pregnant! One day the grief won't be so fresh.

And one day, I'll get to meet the baby that was, but never was, the baby that is but will never be...

Charlie, I love you. I'm your momma. And one day, we will know what that means. Today, it means I miss you. And I can't wait to see you.