And the verdict is...

My job has ended.

And not because they hate me but because they've run out of work.

So it's back to the "find a job" grindstone.

And back to the panic. And the hurt. And the desperate need for faith.

See you on the flip side, hopefully with better news than this.



I am so scared.

I just handed in my first huge project. Not just for this employer, but in my WHOLE LIFE. And I have never been more nervous than I am right now.

Because I'm on contract. And currently that contract only goes until July 31. And then it ends. Just. Like. That.

And then I'll be unemployed, which is no good.

Not just because it is unemployment, but because I don't know if I can handle the stress of being unemployed again.

At the beginning of our marriage (and the months leading up to our marriage), my husband and I were both unemployed, which made doing things like living very, very difficult. With the help of God and our family and friends, we survived the 8 months of marriage with no money, although at the end I think I can honestly say that I knew what drowning must feel like. But I think that drowning would actually be mercifully much quicker.

Of course, our unemployment was brightened for two months by the employment from HELL, where I went home in tears every day and was scared out of my mind for two months. Because everything I did was wrong, stupid, and not good enough. It didn't matter that I just did everything I was told to do, or that the managers weren't so, um, good at their job. It mattered though that I was dumb, dumb, dumb. And in the end, who can argue with logic like that?

I could!

After being with the company I am now, which we will call the Dream Company, for 6 months, I can honestly say I'm not dumb. And my work is respected. And my opinion is respected. And my degree is respected. And my brain is respected. And most importantly I am respected. Which does wonders for a girl's ego, let me tell you.

But this project is still the biggest I've ever done and is still the most involved that I have ever accomplished. And it has also taken FOREVER.

Ay, there's the rub.

The amount of time I was given for the project had to be extended. A lot. And now that it is finally in, I hope that is worth all of those extensions. And that my boss will see it that way.

Because if he doesn't, I'm in trouble. And on July 31, when my contract could go either way, I know which way it will go.

And then I'll be dumb again. And unemployed. And that is the most terrifying thought ever.


Drinking girls

Last night a young mother died after being hit by a drunk driver, while walking on the sidewalk. Her toddler son is now in critical condition, fighting for his life in a children's hospital, as he was with her at the time. They were walking home at 8 p.m. after flying a kite.

And all the while girls like Nicole Richie are fighting their drunk driving charges because although she was driving on the highway, in the WRONG DIRECTION, she should be above the law. And although Paris Hilton has driven drunk more than once, she should NEVER have been in jail because she is an heiress.

And of course, I'm sure the family of the dead mother and the very hurt little boy will tell the man who killed and maimed that he is also above the law.

Because what harm can it do to drive drunk?

May that family find the peace and comfort and support they need. And may rich, stupid celebrities who drive drunk stop being so stupid.

I mean, what's worth more? Their freedom or the lives of that mother and son and their loved ones?

That shouldn't be a hard question. In fact, it shouldn't be a question at all.