I'm not sure at what point I'm allowed to write about marriage. I've only been married for five months (loved ALL of them) and I'm not really an expert. More of an experimenter. I always say that we are still "new and shiny!" to people who talk about how little time we've been married.
My newness, though, I take as a blessing. We're still "in love" with each other. We still like spending time together. We still believe and exercise our right for PDAs. We say "I love you" dozens of times a day. We still get caught up talking to each other, at the detriment of other appointments. We are still new and shiny.
My best friend, though, has been married for a year. Her newness is a little bit further along than mine, and by all rights it should be starting to wane, but not completely disappeared. This, unfortunately, is not the case. Her newness recently got ripped away from her and her relationship is now in need of TLC, as is she.
I'm so scared that this kind of thing will happen to me. That we'll lose our newness. I'm told that eventually things happen that make you stop floating so much, and start dealing instead of enjoying. I understand that with kids and life the newness gets scratched, maybe even tarnished. But ripped away is the fear. The fear that we'll have such a big event that we'll be all banged up and will have to go get things fixed, instead of enjoying, floating, and loving out loud.
I keep my husband close to my heart, deep in my soul. I pray for him constantly. I worry over him and us and our relationship. I'm not smothering, but I'm certainly not turning my back.
We've earned our scratches in the past five months (unemployment and family trouble will do that to you), but we haven't been banged up yet. I just hope that with all my worrying and attention and care that the damage won't be irreparable, but actually manageable. Enough to get back to enjoying, floating, and loving out loud.