To invite or not to invite

When I was four years old my uncle sexually assaulted me. It wasn't rape and it wasn't invasive, but it was hurtful and confusing - mostly on the basis of lost trust and relationship with my uncle, and a weakened trust in men (mostly because of my dad's response (or lack thereof) to the event, which involved his brother).

Now my wedding is coming, and the question is, do we invite him? The man that still makes my stomach squirm and my skin crawl. The man who hurt me.

The man who made a mistake.

Should I be considering the event as the above - merely a mistake? Something that after almost twenty years I should be able to forget about?

My grandparents (his parents) don't understand why I wouldn't want him at my wedding, and although his name wasn't on the invitation we sent them, they still included his name on the reply card. My father says that he probably won't come, or if he does, he won't stay, so what's all the fuss?

And my fiance...my gorgeous fiance, says it's up to me, but we had already discussed it and we had decided that he's not coming.

And my mom? She says she'll take on my grandmother at any point. Just tell her when.

So what do I do?

Do I invite him, deal with him minimally, and ignore the fact that he is there?

Or not invite him, forever wonder about the hurt I'm causing him, and have to deal with my grandmother's confused, hurt face for the whole day?

I wish someone would just tell me what to do. This whole being an adult thing really sucks somedays.

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