There are some days where I want to disappear. Where I want to curl up in bed and never emerge. Today is that day.
The girls have been fighting all morning. Every few minutes is punctuated by L shrieking over something S isn't letting her do...and S whining in that infuriating voice that L has taken something that is "hers".
There isn't enough sleep in me today. There isn't enough energy or peace or patience. There isn't enough of anything.
Today is a bad day. And I know it's a bad day. I can see it as I watch myself handle each situation horribly, as I tell S to stop whining and I tell L to stop being a butt.
I know what I'm supposed to do. I'm supposed to take it easy. I'm supposed to make everything simple. I'm supposed to keep breathing and moving and taking everything moment by moment. I know all of that...but today, I just want to run away. I just want to sleep. I want silence and no demands.
I want, I want, I want.
Time for another coffee, to get dressed, and to start hanging out with the girls...because that is usually the cure. They stop fighting when I am present. And right now I'm hiding out.
Time to be a grown-up.
And time to stop wishing that stay-at-home parents got sick days.
Because today, if I worked a normal job, I would totally call in sick.